Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Addendum: No more addenda

This blog was started to try to counteract the nonsense about transsexualism that is all over the internet. It reaches very few people. Nonsense prevails, and it seems to be getting worse, not better. One obscure blog can't change that.

At least an individual can escape from it and simply live life as it was intended. Hopefully that's you, if that's what you want. Everyone deserves a decent life.

When someone who is born transsexual completes treatment and then lets go of their birth defect, after a time something happens. The person can no longer truly remember having been any other way. They haven't forgotten their past, but the present is so strong that it colors everything that came before. And that only makes sense. Being the sex that's right for us is vital in a fundamental way that no one who has not experienced the discrepancy we have can really understand. The unreachable star for someone who was born transsexual is to have been born non-transsexual. The closer we can come to touching that star, the better.

(I imagine this might work better for women born with male anatomy than for men born with female anatomy. My only experience is with the former.)

We try to balance generosity with self-care. Occasionally, we might help someone with the same congenital condition or share our past with someone when there is reason to do so, but we must move beyond our birth condition so that we can grow into complete human beings. Unless we become complete human beings, any help we offer or sharing we do will be useless and perhaps even harmful. Thus, the balance is vital, both for ourselves and for others.

I say "we" and "our." I can really speak only for myself. I know what works for me. I am confident, however, that I am not alone in this.

Some do not leave their birth condition behind for reasons of their own. That is their choice. And of course there are others who cross-dress, bend gender, or live as. I cannot speak for any of these people. I just hope that they do not cause problems for those of us who were born transsexual, get treatment, and then need to move on. We do have certain needs, such as to change our documentation. We do not need a backlash.

So even though—or perhaps because—I have a low tolerance for nonsense, I need to leave the online battle against nonsense to others.

I hope never to read another post about "passing."

I hope never to read another post about getting gender performance "right" but claiming it's not a performance.

I hope never to read another post from someone who has not finished transition or who has not even started claiming to know what being the opposite sex is all about.

I hope never to read another post devaluing another's lived experience. People walk in their own shoes. They don't walk in anyone else's.

I hope never to read another post from a man in love with his own female illusion.

I hope never to read another post conflating sex and gender.

That last one will be more difficult. But at least the frequency can be reduced.

Best wishes,



Anonymous said...

I found your blog to (almost) always be clearly and concisely writen and objective. Truly a rarity in this environment and one of very few I have respect for (for whatever that's worth).

best wishes to you also.

Anonymous said...

I f you ever feel you'd like to converse with someone who actually does "get" pretty much everything you have talked about. Feel free to email me. You can leave a post on "classictranssexual" I will get it. All the best for the future.


Anonymous said...

Sad to see you go. I will leave my contact info with Cassandra Speaks.


Brenda Fernández said...

Sad to see you go. I've just discovered your blog through T-Central and I liked it very much. All your posts are very interesting and they have all made me think, even if I don't agree with some of your statements.
I can only wish you all the best from here on and may you be hugely happy like you (and everyone) deserve!

God bless you , girl!

Anonymous said...

Someone wrote complaining they could not find the blog. So here is the link.


Anonymous said...

What a 'spot on' blog. I suggest this should be 'required reading', for anybody and everybody looking for a clear and reasonable understanding of the clear and present distinction between a real yet treatable, medical malady and what is demonstrably a lifestyle choice.


joanna Santos said...

"what is demonstrably a lifestyle choice...."

what absolute rubish!

No one chooses to be transgender anymore than one chooses to be transsexual. You are clearly misguided in this area as I am one of those transgender who clearly would have wanted a choice...