Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Addendum: No more addenda
This blog was started to try to counteract the nonsense about transsexualism that is all over the internet. It reaches very few people. Nonsense prevails, and it seems to be getting worse, not better. One obscure blog can't change that.
At least an individual can escape from it and simply live life as it was intended. Hopefully that's you, if that's what you want. Everyone deserves a decent life.
When someone who is born transsexual completes treatment and then lets go of their birth defect, after a time something happens. The person can no longer truly remember having been any other way. They haven't forgotten their past, but the present is so strong that it colors everything that came before. And that only makes sense. Being the sex that's right for us is vital in a fundamental way that no one who has not experienced the discrepancy we have can really understand. The unreachable star for someone who was born transsexual is to have been born non-transsexual. The closer we can come to touching that star, the better.
(I imagine this might work better for women born with male anatomy than for men born with female anatomy. My only experience is with the former.)
We try to balance generosity with self-care. Occasionally, we might help someone with the same congenital condition or share our past with someone when there is reason to do so, but we must move beyond our birth condition so that we can grow into complete human beings. Unless we become complete human beings, any help we offer or sharing we do will be useless and perhaps even harmful. Thus, the balance is vital, both for ourselves and for others.
I say "we" and "our." I can really speak only for myself. I know what works for me. I am confident, however, that I am not alone in this.
Some do not leave their birth condition behind for reasons of their own. That is their choice. And of course there are others who cross-dress, bend gender, or live as. I cannot speak for any of these people. I just hope that they do not cause problems for those of us who were born transsexual, get treatment, and then need to move on. We do have certain needs, such as to change our documentation. We do not need a backlash.
So even though—or perhaps because—I have a low tolerance for nonsense, I need to leave the online battle against nonsense to others.
I hope never to read another post about "passing."
I hope never to read another post about getting gender performance "right" but claiming it's not a performance.
I hope never to read another post from someone who has not finished transition or who has not even started claiming to know what being the opposite sex is all about.
I hope never to read another post devaluing another's lived experience. People walk in their own shoes. They don't walk in anyone else's.
I hope never to read another post from a man in love with his own female illusion.
I hope never to read another post conflating sex and gender.
That last one will be more difficult. But at least the frequency can be reduced.