Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Addendum: Coming out...

...is overrated. Highly overrated. At least for those born with transsexualism.

If you were born transsexual but have not yet begun sex change, you probably want to tell very few if any people. If you tell people you are "transgender" or even "transsexual" but nothing about you is different, most people will just be confused. Keep in mind that how you "identify" is entirely inside you. Save that sort of thing for an anonymous blog or someone who you are reasonably sure will care and be understanding.

Once you start your sex change in earnest, at some point you have to tell people. It's a necessary evil. I can only imagine what it must be like to watch someone go through all that awkwardness. Gender activists like making people uncomfortable. I don't. In hindsight, I think it would have been better to disappear for a while and return fully fledged. That time was difficult for everyone. The more quickly and painlessly it gets done, the better.

When we determine our course of action, it's normal to be enthusiastic. What we experience is no less than liberation! And unfortunately, along with that enthusiasm usually comes a certain amount of immaturity and a loss of discretion. It's similar to what happens to new converts to a religion. They can't stop themselves from sharing, and they ignore the eyerolls (actual or mental) they encounter from the unconverted.

We regress for a bit so we can grow up again. Later on, most likely, we will be embarrassed by how we acted earlier, and we will wish we had been a bit less eager to share. Everyone has to grow up. It's just too bad that some of us have to do it when people think we are already adults and expect us to act that way.

If you're some kind of gender-variant rather than transsexual, by all means come out and challenge the people around you. Educate them on all your gender theories and deconstruction of stuff that people take for granted. But if you're transsexual and you're changing sex, try to limit the damage. Unless you plan to move away and go deep stealth, you're going to have to continue to live with these people.


Cynthia Jane said...

Thank you ever so much.

You have condensed the coming out portion of being transsexual so succinctly and in such a beautifully articulated manner.

Had I known exactly what the ramifications of telling my wife would or could be, I might have done differently, but for some reason, known only to my Lord, I simply could not contain that bit of information to myself any longer. Prayer is mighty powerful.

I have enjoyed reading your site immensely. I have learned so much about being transsexual/transgender and most importantly, myself.

Hugs, and may God truly bless you.


Dawn1257 said...

"Unless you plan to move away and go deep stealth, you're going to have to continue to live with these people"

Don't I know it! So very true. If I had a 'do over', I'd be lllooonnnggg gone! Exposing yourself as transsexual, remaining in the same small community, and believing that there will be no negative consequences is a fools wish. There will be negatives.

So, living with "these people" becomes an exercise in reestablishing yourself; personally and professionally. It's not for the faint of heart.

Kathryn Dumke said...

When you transition in place, it's a one shot deal. Once done no further explanation should be necessary.

Anonymous said...

"no further explanation should be necessary"

LOL. Spoken like a true autocrat.